False Accountability and the Control Behind It

Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance.

This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting, projection, and DARVO are used to destabilize you. It also explores the difference between genuine conflict resolution and the subtle ways control masquerades as care, calmness, or insight.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your pain became the problem, you’ll learn how to spot the pattern, trust your reality, and start reclaiming your clarity.